For
good reason the Borderline Personality Disorder has a reputation for being the
most difficult to treat. In some cases the pattern extracts its pound of flesh
from the therapist. One of the reasons for this seeming intractability of the
pattern has to do with the Actualizing Equation.
The
Actualizing Equation
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| Actualizing Equation |
Personality
is inextricably bound with relationships. The Actualizing Equation illustrates
this dynamic. Counselees can grasp how actualizing growth connects
self-identity with community through a bond of reciprocal communication that
compass theory calls existential intimacy. In this equation all three
components are equally important and intertwined like three cords in a strong
rope. The dynamic basis for this way of living is found in many religions and
expressed clearly by Christ’s commandment to love God and others as you love
yourself.
Therapists
can find it useful to see how the Borderline Personality Disorder functions in
relationship to the Actualizing Equation:
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| Borderline Actualizing Equation |
As
you can see from the graphic, the arrows between identity, intimacy, and
community remain intact, ready to carry thoughts and feelings back and forth
between the person and others. Yet the Xs strike out identity, intimacy, and
community, indicating that what is carried back and forth is chaos, not
communication. No wonder the counselee vacillates from feeling like the center
of the universe to feeling completely annihilated.
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| Borderline Personality Disorder |
There
is no spiritual core that holds the identity intact, no interior “I am” from
which the counselee can think: “I don’t need to approach others in a
love-me-or-leave-me mentality. I don’t need to assume every moment that love
and hate are the principle forces of the cosmos, or that my existence depends
upon another person’s response to me.”
The
beginning of growth involves accepting that one indeed has a Borderline pattern, and that one’s own behavior is the true cause of such on-again,
off-again, relationships.
As
William James observed, life doesn’t change by manipulating outer
events or other persons, but by altering one’s inner attitudes. By making a few
crucial interior changes, the architecture of the self undergoes a reconstitution.
In therapy this may occur very gradually over a long period of time, but
sometimes with the Actualizing Equation graphic explained to them, Borderlines
can make more rapid progress.
A therapist might say, “Look. You are hard-wired to care deeply about others, and you are very close to solving the equation of loving others as you love yourself. What we need to do is help you develop more realistic interpersonal expectations, coupled with a more relaxed self-presence. You can really make progress in solidifying your identity so that you experience more stable outcomes with intimacy and community.”
Compass
Therapy suggests that working toward a health psychology is as important as
diagnosing and treating psychopathology. Counselees can understand and
transform their personality rigidities within an interpersonal context that
helps them develop identity, intimacy, and community.
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