Compass Therapy sees the primary cognitive distortion of the borderline personality disorder as centering on the chronic use of mutually exclusive categories.
Borderline self-talk sounds like this:
- Either you love me or you hate me.
- I have every right to lash out when you don’t show enough love.
- To leave my presence when I need you is abandonment.
- Make my emptiness go away or I’ll punish you.
- People need to pay attention to me because I’m very important.
- I can’t stand to depend on people because they always disappoint me.
- You don’t love me as much as I love you.
- Give me what I want or I’ll hate you.
- Don’t leave me alone because I need you all the time.
- You should accept my explosions if you love me.
Borderline people lean on the structure of the
environment to maintain their cognitive bearings, and hence regress to
primitive ego states whenever the environment changes. For instance, when a
person they rely upon has needs for privacy, or decides on a course of action
that seems to exclude them, borderlines can panic and take desperate measures
to counter the show of independence. Moments later, however, they forget their
intimidation and threats, and sincerely proclaim themselves as the other
person’s best friend.
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| Unintegrated Thoughts |
Normal individuals tolerate cognitive dissonance
through the integration of polar opposites. They can hold in mind both that a
partner cares for them and that the partner needs alone times to function as an
independent person.
Borderlines bypass developing a toleration of opposites, and instead
think in stark “either/or” terms that call for ultimatums and showdowns,
followed by emotional tirades or collapse.
Compass Therapy growth encourages the blending of opposing polarities by
offering more sophisticated communications, like caring assertion, or humble
requests.
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| Vulnerable to nightmares |
Borderlines are particularly vulnerable to
intrusive thoughts and images, including flashbacks and nightmares. When these
occur, they tend to dump the toxic residue of these disturbing experiences
straight into a current relationship. But it’s not long before they forget what
they’ve just done, and expect an immediate return to a more congenial
atmosphere.
Naturally, this relationship-shattering style
creates approach-avoidance conflicts within the borderline’s partner or
friends, causing them to seriously consider abandoning the borderline. The borderline, then, picks up on these cues and challenges with a
vengeance the partner’s thoughts about leaving the relationship.
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