Compass Therapy Helps Worriers and Loners

Most people would not consider being overly withdrawn, detached, or hermit-like as sinful, but Jesus sees it differently. In the parable of the three servants given funds to invest by their master, the first two take appropriate risks that bring a return on the investment. The third hides the money away and later says to the master, “I was afraid I might lose some so I didn’t invest any.” The master takes what has been entrusted to this servant and gives it to the other two, ordering punishment for the servant’s play-it-safe attitude (Mt 25:14-30).

One of the major ways people can sin against God and sabotage the purpose for which they are created is to withhold themselves from others. Of course there are many rationalizations for doing so: “I had a bad childhood,” “I was humiliated in school and never got over it,” or “My best friend stabbed me in the back so I decided never to trust anyone.” This same type of rationale occurs between the person and God. “I prayed for something really important and it never happened, so I quit praying.” “God has more important things to do than care about me.”

The pattern of withholding one’s self as a strategy through life forestalls self-development, triggering a premature abdication of identity. Within a Christian perspective, the pattern intercepts one’s identity and calling in Christ.

Jesus and The Avoidant Worrier

Jesus says to the Avoidant Worrier, “Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things?” (Lk 12:25-26). To stimulate the Worrier’s active trust in him, Christ says, “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom” (Lk 12:32). What is this kingdom that the Father gives to the Worrier? It is the:

• richness of companionate relationships
• fullness of an active mind and expressive heart
• excitement of developing talents and hobbies
• joy of communion with the Trinity
• pleasure of having one’s name spoken by friends and acquaintances
• interest of days filled with growth and adventure
• serenity that replaces fear and worry with gratitude for being alive

No doubt some friends and family members have tried to awaken the Worrier to the pleasures of life and relationships, their words falling on deaf ears, the seeds of their encouragement lying on fallow ground. But when Worriers finally hear the voice of the Holy Spirit, the Spirit who passionately and gently witnesses to Christ’s presence in the soul, then Christianity delivers its message to Worriers, who begin to exchange the burden of worry for active steps that lead to a larger life.

How does the Bible approach the Schizoid Loner? Paul counsels, “And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some” (Heb 10:24-25). Obviously Paul knew some Christians who had succumbed to the Loner pattern by isolating from fellowship with others. Because Christ knows the damaging effects of the Loner pattern, he pursues Loners to bring them home to the friendship of Trinity love. 

Jesus says:

“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep’” (Lk 15:3-6).

Jesus and the Schizoid Loner

How can the Loner overcome years of self-absorbed solitude? The answer is, “Put on the Lord Jesus Christ” (Ro 13:14); that is to say, until Loners develop a modicum of social skill for communicating with others, it works to simply model Christ.

For more, read: 

CHRISTIAN PERSONALITY THEORY: A Self Compass for Humanity 

Christian Personality Theory

Ethics, Rapport, and Personality Disorders

The utmost delicacy is required in communicating to counselees the nature of their personality rigidities, since they may feel as vulnerable as a dental patient hearing the results of an examination. Yet therapists have an ethical mandate to impart this information when it contributes to understanding psychopathology or helps the counselee participate more effectively in resolving presenting problems.

Consider this as you approach a counselee: 

A good dentist knows to say, “Okay, this poke is going to sting a bit, but then you’ll feel better.” Patients still don’t want the needle and may resent the dentist for the invasiveness of the shot. But they do want the end result of healthy teeth.

So, when you are going to administer some truth serum to a counselee, and you anticipate temporary pain, you can say, “I’ve been pondering something that may represent new information for you…and may be a little shocking. But once we develop the overview, this insight will serve you well. Should I go ahead?”

Rare is the counselee who will stick fingers in both ears and shout, “No!” If you’ve developed decent rapport, something inside the counselee will say, “This is why I’m here.”

Rapport-building Psychotherapy

Here’s an example from my own practice:

“Ron,” I said, “we’ve reviewed pretty thoroughly how your parents left you to your own devices a lot, and didn’t much encourage conversation or activities in your life.”

“Right,” said Ron, waiting for the poke. “I grew up all alone.”

“Well, I’m afraid there are repercussions to that scenario that have lasted to this day.”

“You mean that I don’t like people?”

“Exactly. And more than that, you’ve built a castle around yourself and filled the moat with water and alligators so that nobody can get close to you.”

Ron smiled wryly. “My first wife would agree. She’d pester me for days to talk to her and then I’d bite her head off.”

“The bad news is that this will never go away on its own. The Compass Therapy name for it is the schizoid Loner pattern, or schizoid personality disorder.”

Ron sat up in his chair. “Does that mean I’m schizophrenic?”

“No. Schizophrenia is a genetic illness in which you have hallucinations and live in another reality. The schizoid personality pattern just means that you’ve split off your thoughts from your feelings, and this brings a hollow numbness inside. Then, to keep this loner pattern intact, you detach from people and withdraw into a shell. Does that make sense?”

Schizoid Loner Pattern

Ron nodded. “That’s me. I could stay on my computer for weeks if I didn’t have to go to work.”

“That’s a very honest assessment. Would you like me to tell you more about the consequences of this pattern so you can think over whether you want to keep it or not?”

“Go ahead.”

“The Loner pattern won’t let love in or out, won’t let you seek friendships that involve opening up, and will make you live and die a lonely man. How do you feel about that?”

“I guess I knew deep inside something like this was happening. I just got used to it and figured it was bad karma.”

“Actually, Ron, a fair number of counselees I’ve worked with started out even more schizoid than you. They somehow found the motivation to give life a second chance. You know, trying to see other people as more than just pests to get rid of.”

“Sounds hard to do. I get nervous when anybody’s around. I just like to be quiet with my own thoughts.”

“But isn’t that just what brought you into therapy—that you’re sick of thoughts rolling around like marbles inside your head?”

Marbles Rolling

Ron shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "I do get tired of hearing them."

“Perhaps one of our goals, along with diminishing those repetitive thoughts, can be to enrich your connection to people. There’s no good reason you can’t learn to have feelings and express them like anybody else.”

A look of relief came over Ron’s face. “Okay, but I’m going to need training wheels like a little kid on his first bike.”

“That’s what we’re here for. It’s safe to learn some new things now. And you’ve got plenty of intelligence to help you along.”

By being upfront and direct, I began shifting Ron’s concentration to actualizing growth and laid a foundation for the ongoing transmission of information about his schizoid Loner pattern even as he began to outgrow it. 

For more, read: 

COMPASS THERAPY:

Christian Psychology in Action

Compass Therapy and The Schizoid Loner Personality Disorder

Actualizing persons interact with the world through rhythms of contact and withdrawal, involvement and detachment, activity and passivity. Contact, involvement, and activity require action to engage in work, relationships, or self-development. Withdrawal, detachment, and passivity allow for resting and sleeping, solitude, and recharging one’s batteries. 

But the schizoid Loner cuts this rhythm in half, fixating on withdrawal, detachment, and passivity. The word schizoid derives from the Greek word schizoid and means “split off.” All the compass points are collapsed, except for Weakness, which intensifies into nothingness.

The Pattern’s Interior

The schizoid Loner is trapped on the Weakness compass point. Loners withdraw because of an indifference to everything—to friends and relations, to vocational enjoyment, to duties or rights, to good fortune or bad. The rewards and pleasures of human companionship mean nothing to them.

Karen Horney noted that schizoids actively “move away from people” by forming an impenetrable shell that makes other people fade out of consciousness. The phrase, “Out of sight, out of mind,” is not just a credo. It is a daily goal.

Hermit Crab

Not only do others disappear off their radar screen, but their emotions evaporate as well. This life plan has its merits in that schizoid Loners maintain simple lives, untroubled by feelings, impervious to relationships, and undisturbed by inner conflicts. In fact, if a person wants to live an ascetic life that is celibate and single, the schizoid pattern offers the structure and function for doing so. 

Perhaps this accounts for the secret superiority often noted in schizoid counselees. Compass theory posits that this tendency reflects the psychodynamics of a tightly repressed Strength compass point that acts out in the form of unconscious narcissism. Millon notes: “Fantasy in a schizoid-like person sometimes betrays the presence of a secret grandiose self that longs for respect and recognition while offsetting fears that the person is really an outcast.”

While everyone needs a rhythm that includes occasional withdrawal and detachment, the schizoid Loner’s selection of isolation as a long-term coping pattern leads into dangerous territory: a solitary confinement that begins as a retiring lifestyle, but can spiral into schizotypal eccentricity, possibly leading to several types of schizophrenia. For this reason Rollo May has described the schizoid life as existentially hollow.

This hollowness reflects the interpersonal truth that human beings need social stimulation, and when they isolate from the rewards and consensual validation society normally provides, their psyche begins to create its own media show: excessive daydreaming, voices that speak from illusory entities, and the formation of an alternate reality that is light years away from normalcy. 

In other words, the psychospiritual energy for actualizing growth, when not pursued, doesn’t just disappear; unconscious forces convert it into the landscape of the Loner’s version of the universe. In Self Compass terms, the Loner-patterned person lacks esteem for self or others (Strength compass point), love for self or others (Love compass point), and courage to take risks for self-development or the bettering of circumstances (Assertion compass point). The energy from these compass points is shunted into exaggerated weakness, creating a barren existence rather akin to the hermit crab.

By applying techniques that balance a healthy Weakness compass point with an awakening of the Strength, Love, and Assertion compass points, therapeutic intervention generates enough aliveness to jump-start the Loner’s motivational engine and develop the LAWS of personality.

For more on the schizoid Loner personality disorder see:

COMPASS THERAPY: 

CHRISTIAN PSYCHOLOGY IN ACTION