Treating
the paranoid personality disorder involves embracing a paradox: the best
therapeutic strategy is to give up the need to help them.
Why? Because their
radar will translate any conscious or unconscious need of yours as a devious attempt
to influence them. If you want to help them, they will see this as
condescension—that you’re really only interested in taking their money or
building your ego at their expense.
In other
words, they come in armed to the teeth to defend themselves against dependence
upon you or learning anything from you. Fritz Perls called this the
bear-trapping game, by which he meant that aggressive-oriented counselees lay
out traps that spring into action when you least expect it.
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| Springing A Trap |
They may
cajole you with questions about your qualifications, your personal life, or
your intentions for them, then place your words or actions into a distorted context
that is aimed at your humiliation. Or they may jump on a phrase you use and put
you on the hot seat.
You would not
be human if you didn’t feel the occasional sting from these machinations. Yet
you can foresee and avoid most traps by:
- Developing modest expectations for the therapy.
- Engaging the counselee at a more objective than subjective level.
- When appropriate, uncovering the structure and function of the paranoid Arguer pattern with calm aplomb.
- Equally important is keeping the motivation for every aspect of therapy squarely on the counselee’s shoulders.
One might
wonder why paranoid Arguers are willing to seek therapy, let alone pay for it.
The most
common answer is that they are motivated to recruit a mental health professional
into agreeing with them that someone in their interpersonal world is stupid, devious,
and argumentative because they are not doing what the Arguer wants them to do.
If they can
convince you to agree with them that the other person (usually a spouse, child,
or work associate) is guilty and they are innocent victims, then they can use
your expert opinion as a hammer for battering the other person.
By thoroughly
mastering the paranoid mentality, you develop immunity from various paranoid
tactics that could otherwise leave you rattled.
If you know their pattern as
well as they experience it from inside themselves, and yet don’t use your
knowledge to blame and attack them, they detect that they can’t manipulate you.
Their trust and respect
for you as a therapist increases.
Here are a few
points to keep in mind:
- Paranoid Arguers are stubborn and proud of it.
- Their views are always right.
- Criticize them and they become vindictive.
- Threaten them and they become stronger.
- Attack them and they make vengeful plans to make your life miserable.
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| Paranoid Arguer |
Their thought
patterns run along these lines:
- People can’t be trusted because they are devious and will side against you.
- I am honest in saying that my philosophy of life is how things really are.
- I must test those around me to see if they are loyal.
- Other people want to interfere with my freedom, put me down, and discriminate against me.
- I have never received the good treatment that society owes me.
- If people seem friendly, they’re only trying to manipulate me.
- I need to be constantly on guard against adversaries who want to take advantage of me.
- I am hard-nosed and proud of it.
- People make me angry because they are untrustworthy and exasperating.
For more on techniques for working with the Paranoid Personality Disorder, read:
