Jesus used the analogy of
planting seeds to describe the process whereby people are exposed to God’s Word
and develop their unique way of responding to it.
I like this earthy analogy. It has similar implications for
the counselor who wishes to plant seeds of personality wholeness or interpersonal
communication in counselees.
 |
| Collaborative Implantation |
I am always watching for the opportunity to plant the seeds
of caring, courage, humility, or esteem in counselees, for these can eventually
germinate into personality balance and interpersonal fulfillment—two universal
human needs.
Collaborative implantation lets you
reflect the counselee’s perceptual field while at the same time sewing seeds
for needed growth.
Shen is a sixteen-year-old sophomore
who doesn’t like school. He spends a lot of time alone in his room listening to
the latest teen music and playing video games. You are working with him to
overcome his withdrawn trend and its concomitant social isolation and
depression.
After a number of sessions, you’ve helped him develop an interpersonal
language for his feelings and receive adjunct medical therapy in the form of an
antidepressant. He is doing much better now in holding his own with new friends
and paying attention in class.
A new problem arises that Shen doesn’t
recognize. “My sister is so stupid when it comes
to music. I really let her have it this week.”
As you explore this new topic, you find
that Chunnie, Shen’s thirteen-year-old sister, idolizes him. She hangs on his
every word and takes what he says to heart. You realize he’s trying out his
newfound strength and assertion by putting her down a lot.
How do you help Shen
develop a more compassionate attitude toward his sister, while continuing to
develop his strengths? You try collaborative implantation.
“Chunnie is so ridiculous,” he chides. “She thinks these totally plastic rock groups are so cool.”“Sounds like she doesn’t have your sophistication in listening to music. Yet she looks up to you so much. I bet she’d be so thrilled if you became the nurturing brother that she needs.”“What do you mean?”“You know; someone who believes in her—who helps her along without criticizing her. Of course, that takes quite a lot of skill. Most big brothers talk down to their little sisters. They don’t know how much damage that causes.”“It’s just that I can’t believe some of the groups she likes. They’re terrible!”“I know what you mean. The groups she chooses are ones you might have chosen at thirteen, before you developed more musical expertise. I can tell it would be hard for you—and maybe even impossible—to keep some of your critical comments to yourself.”“I can do that. But who will teach her what’s what if I don’t?”“So it seems to you like a special mission in life to correct your sister and make her adopt your beliefs and tastes. Like maybe she should be your clone.”“Hey, I’m not that bad. But I get what you’re saying—that I shouldn’t get on her case so much.”“That’s a very mature insight. I’m impressed. Keep that up and I bet you’ll be giving her a supportive hug before you know it.”
Do you see what is happening? How
Shen’s rigid and sophomoric superiority is being challenged with new growth?
And how his one-upmanship is expanded into a word picture of what it would look
like to develop a more supportive big brother role?
In fact, because you’ve planted these
seeds of healthier give and take with his sister, Shen gradually shifts his behavior
in that direction. You feel gratified when a couple of months later Chunnie
comes in for a session. She mentions in passing how well Shen has been treating
her.
For more, read: Christian Counseling That Really Works
 |
| Christian Counseling |
