Strength-stuck persons are forced to live a lie
that is apparent to all around them. They do make mistakes, do show errors of
judgment, and do miss the mark of their own high standards. It’s just that they
never admit it.
Scripture makes a prediction about
strength-patterned people: “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit
before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18).
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| Haughty Spirit |
When Boasters and Controllers really grasp the good
news about the grace of Jesus Christ, they can lay down the burden of pride and
begin enjoying life and people. “For it is by grace you have been saved,
through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works,
so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus
to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians
2:8-10).
Though it is hard to believe and doesn’t have a
counterpart in other world religions, the Gospel proclaims that individuals are
made right with God and equipped for service to others through the redemptive
atonement Christ has provided in his death and resurrection. There is no
self-merit involved.
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| Saved by God's Grace |
To the Boaster, God declares, “But let those
who boast, boast about this: that they understand and know me, that I am the
Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these
I delight” (Jeremiah 9:24).
Boasters can invite Christ’s love to shine through
their personality and human nature, surrendering the need to gain everyone’s
admiration, and praying for forgiveness about the many times they slighted
others when striving for superior status. Over time, their self-importance is
transformed from self-glorification into glorifying Christ and serving others
with a humble heart. “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another
above yourselves” (Romans 12:10).
Persons outgrowing the Boaster pattern can enjoy a
new connection with humanity, one based on empathy instead of condescension,
humility instead of hubris. Now the door of the heart can open to concern for
others' well-being, consideration for others' feelings, and helping others
rather than feeling competitive toward them.
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| Helping Others |
Controllers face a different set of growth
challenges, since their proneness to legalism renders them resistant to grace
and love. They want to impress God with their meritorious achievements. Grace
seems to diminish what they are most sure of: how conscientious they are.
But
Jesus sees deeper into their hearts, understanding how Controllers must smash the
illusion of their good intentions and perfectionist rule-keeping in order to
let go of their judgmental attitude.
So Christ says to the Controller, “Do not
judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you
will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you” (Matthew
7:1-2).
Repentance takes the form of giving up the need to
always be right, to control every situation, and to constantly prove one’s
capability—all preludes to developing a more humble personality, whose
spiritual core expresses an interpersonal, rather than egocentric sense of
self.
In an invitation that seems tailored to the
Controller, Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I
will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle
and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy
and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).
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| "Come to me, you who are burdened" |
And now there is room for the Lord to introduce
play, enjoyment, laughter, and fun into the lives of former Boasters and
Controllers, the Holy Spirit helping them to feel God’s extravagant love, and
Jesus showing them firsthand the unforced rhythms of grace.
For more, read:
CHRISTIAN PERSONALITY THEORY:
A Self Compass for Humanity
