Communication: The Heart Pulse of Compass Therapy

Communication is the heart pulse of therapy. The dialogue that develops between a therapist and counselee incorporates body language, emotional nuances, cognitive insight, and spiritual discernment—an interpersonal dynamic that evokes the whole human nature of each person. This is what makes counseling so different from other health professions like medicine, dentistry, or optometry. 

In counseling and psychotherapy you utilize your own personality and human nature as an interactive force in calling forth your counselee’s human potential.

While some therapies set down rules of engagement that keep the therapeutic communication at a strictly clinical level, Compass Therapy suggests that it is wise to build a rhythm between clinical professionalism and personal naturalness that helps a counselee feel at home. Sullivan called this interpersonal posture that of a “participant observer.”

Participant Observer

If the counselee grew up in the town where you spent your last vacation, it’s a natural point of discussion to spend a couple of minutes talking over your mutual impressions of the place. This builds rapport, develops a fellow feeling, and prepares for the next round of therapeutic exploration.

BUILDING EMOTIONAL RAPPORT

Emotional rapport takes top priority throughout therapy. In fact, there is no effective therapy without emotional rapport; there is only talking or questioning or preaching.

Rapport involves curiosity, humor, listening, asking interested questions, exchanging ideas, and speaking in short enough sound bites that counselees can maintain their attention while feeling that you understand them. Whenever this rapport is broken for any reason, you can interrupt what you’re doing and immediately begin reflecting what the counselee is feeling. Before long, trust is restored and the conversation can resume.

Carl Rogers’ original research revealed the considerable role that building and maintaining rapport plays in promoting behavioral change. Rogers especially highlighted the therapist qualities of warmth, genuineness, and empathy that invite a reciprocal authenticity from the counselee. Today these qualities serve just as effectively for deepening the therapeutic conversation and alliance.

In fact, a review of forty years of research shows that a therapist’s main contribution in helping counselees achieve a favorable outcome is through empathetic, affirmative, collaborative, and genuine engagement.

Building Rapport

So rather than exuding an artificially aloof bearing meant to convey clinical objectivity, Compass Therapy suggests that you go ahead and be human, professional role and all. It’s good clinical practice to know how deeply people need attention, support, and caring, and to provide these qualities in no uncertain terms.

When you can say it authentically, you might try something like: 

• “That is a powerful insight.” 
• “I am amazed by the courage you are showing.” 
• “That is the funniest story I’ve heard in a long time.” 
• “You have a fascinating life narrative.”

For more, read:

COMPASS THERAPY:

Christian Psychology In Action

Psychology and Theology In Action!

Before he passed on, Professor Ray S. Anderson at Fuller Theological Seminary had this to say about Compass Therapy:

“At the core of Compass Therapy is the divine endowment of human spirituality in each person that comes to expression through the mental, emotional and physical spheres of the self. Through diagrams and dialogue this book takes the reader directly into the counseling experience where a therapeutic alliance between the therapist and the counselee is created, releasing the innate spiritual capacity of the self to overcome negative and counter-productive personality patterns of behavior. 

Ray S. Anderson

"Dan Montgomery rightly views emotional and mental health as more than merely removing pathology; rather it is the movement of the self in relation to others where identity, intimacy and community are actualized as an achievement of the holistic self.

"I am not aware of any other book that succeeds as well as this one in providing both professional therapists as well as Christian counselors with a theoretical and practical model that combines psychology and theology in an integrated way. It has a profound simplicity that covers a wide range of personality disorders. Readers will say, ‘Now I see why typical patterns of dysfunctional and disruptive behavior have a common root but also a specific cause.’ 

"Put it on top of your reading list!"

Ray S. Anderson, Senior Professor of Theology and Ministry, Fuller Theological Seminary

Compass Therapy Explains Borderline Personality Disorder

From a Compass Therapy perspective, the borderline is a flip-flop pattern. That is, the pattern favors one half of the Self Compass at the expense of the other, yet unpredictably flip-flops to its polar opposite.

Borderline-patterned persons primarily exaggerate the Strength and Assertion compass points as “top dogs,” yet make regular swings into the lower compass points of Love and Weakness. They feel boldly entitled in social situations, sweet-talking people to fill the emptiness inside. When others fail to fill this void, they shift into blame and attack mode without warning, aggressively challenging others to meet their insatiable dependency needs.

The borderline pattern’s self-system fluctuates drastically as emotional explosions alternate with the desperate need for reassurance. When caught in the grip of anxiety (Weakness compass point) or longing for nurturance (Love compass point), the person seeks assurance in the manner of the avoidant Worrier or dependent Pleaser patterns. This sends others an SOS signal that elicits a desire to rescue the borderline-patterned person from depression or loneliness. But since the borderline demands assurance that is absolute and comforting that is perfect, these demands are quickly frustrated.

Then self-righteous judgment erupts. Furiously accusing others of neglect and disregard, the behavior then more closely resembles that of the paranoid Arguer and narcissistic Boaster patterns.

Extreme emotional volatility, erratic shifts between aggression and neediness, and a lack of trust in self or others render the borderline’s Self Compass unstable; hence the Compass Therapy term, “borderline Challenger.”

Such shakiness is accentuated by ever-present and contradictory feelings toward others: dependent anger and anxiety-driven superiority. In other words, individuals with a borderline personality pattern experience life as a harrowing roller coaster ride.

For a clinical case study and successful treatment plan for treating the Borderline Personality Disorder, read

Compass Therapy: Christian Psychology in Action

Compass Therapy Promotes Direct Action

Not long ago I was in a therapy session with a twenty year old woman (I'll call her Rachel) who was struggling to recover her battered self-esteem from an eight-month relationship with a domineering and misogynistic man. Of course her boyfriend (I'll call him Bill) had his charm. He bought her a few gifts. He made her laugh sometimes. But that hardly compared to how badly he ran her down in his presence.

We began our work with her describing Bill's many ways of verbally abusing her, at the same time trying to convince her that she deserved this treatment. 

Now in the present session I show her the Self Compass diagram, explaining how people need access to the four compass points of Love and Assertion, Weakness and Strength—the LAWS of personality health.

Rachael immediately got it. She said, "I was definitely stuck on the Love compass point, pleasing and placating Bill in every way, always trying to keep the peace, and always wondering why he was so mean and critical. I didn't dare show Assertion or Strength." Likewise, she identified Bill as stuck on the Assertion compass point with relentless aggression. "He always became angry and impatient, especially if I hesitated to do whatever he wanted."

Once we both grasped the relationship dynamics, I offered insights for developing healthy Assertion and Strength in Rachel's personality. But we needed more than insight alone. We needed to exorcise the emotional anxiety from his reign of terror in her life. In the next session, I moved into a Compass Therapy action technique.

"Rachel, our talking so frankly and fully about the emotional wounding you received from Bill is the first step in recovery. But the next step requires action on your part."

"What do I need to do?"

"Just relax where you are sitting and follow my instructions for the next couple of minutes. We're going to go deep in your psyche, where your unconscious has stored hundreds of painful memories—humiliation, false guilt, and fear of displeasing Bill or any other man. We're going to cast these feelings out of you by replacing them with their polar opposite: peace, dignity, and self-love."

Rachel agreed to follow my lead. I guided her into a deep breathing and muscle relaxation sequence, where she tensed and then relaxed muscle groups from the crown of her head to the tips of her toes.

Once she was physically and mentally relaxed, I said, "Now while you continue to melt your muscles and breathe deeply, I'm going to speak to you the way Bill often did, and use the same tone of voice. Your task is to keep relaxing, and come up with new responses that tell him now—based on your newly developing Assertion and Strength—what you wish you had said back then, but were too afraid."

Once she fully understood what we were doing, and did indeed relax, I repeated many of the criticisms that Bill once used, and was pleased to see her standing up to them. She drew from the Strength of our relationship, and trusted the process of Self Compass expressiveness that Bill inhibited. I cheered her on until she actually felt this healthy assertion in her body/mind/spirit.

A session like this isn't an instant fix. But it does have psychological power to generalize into a person's current and future life. And for Rachel it was lifesaving to develop a new sense of peace and self-confidence. She was taking the first steps to learning how to build a self-boundary strong enough to ward off any future encounter with a misogynistic man.

There are twenty-five counseling techniques in one of my books on Compass Therapy. To read the first chapter, 
visit Amazon.com here:

Christian Counseling That Really Works: 

Compass Therapy in Action

Compass Therapy and Cognitive Therapy As Complimentary Methods

The world is richer for the Cognitive Therapy approach to life and behavior developed by Albert Ellis and Aaron Beck. These two pioneers in counseling and psychotherapy came to believe that it is the thoughts we think determine the emotions we feel.

Albert Ellis

Aaron Beck

Therefore, they reasoned, by making a client's thoughts fully conscious and examining them in the therapeutic process, the client could be free of irrational thoughts and emotional health would follow.

I am connected to these men because my colleague and mentor, Dr. Everett Shostrom, made historic videos of Ellis and Beck applying the cognitive approach in live sessions. We carefully studied these and other examples of their work.

                                                   

Everett Shostrom

Dan Montgomery

 












Shostrom and I agreed at the time that the cognitive approach has strong merits, especially because it helps clients to identify when they are magnifying negative thoughts, influenced by unexamined thoughts from childhood, or otherwise frustrating themselves and their relationships with unhealthy assumptions about life.

But even while seeing these positives of cognitive therapy, we noticed some limitations. Primarily, there is more to human nature than thinking. Thoughts are important, but so are emotions, bodily states, and spiritual values. In writing Chapter One of Raymond Corsini's book, Handbook of Innovative Therapy, we addressed this point.

Corsini introduced our chapter by saying, "One of my long term goals is to write the definitive book on psychotherapy. Everett Shostrom and Dan Montgomery beat me to it, creating a supersystem of the best of all known theories and procedures...I believe an eclectic system of this type will eventually be the therapeutic system of the future" (Wiley, 1981, 2001).

After Shostrom passed away, I carried forward our fundamental assumption that human nature is holistic and multifaceted, and therefore needs a multifaceted method of healing and integration.

Compass Therapy, then, brings to therapists the multifaceted lens of the Human Nature Compass, which offers Mind and Heart, Body and Spirit, much as a physical compass provides North and South, East and West.

 A latitude and longitude of the self allows you to assess whether it is a client's thoughts, feelings, biological processes, or spirituality that is contributing to problems. And you can meet those particular needs by using action techniques that intervene at cognitive, emotional, physical, or spiritual levels.

Today I see Cognitive Therapy and Compass Therapy as complementary approaches to understanding and healing clients, each making unique contributions to a therapist's versatility in meeting client needs.

For more about applying the Human Nature Compass to 

 diagnose client needs and develop treatment plans, read: 

Compass Therapy: Christian Psychology in Action

Compass Therapy Tips for Counseling a Dependent Client

Dependent clients transfer their indiscriminate hunger for people’s approval straight into the counseling setting. In terms of the Self Compass, they are stuck on the Love compass point in the Dependent trend, and their chief difficulty is a fear of using the Assertion compass point.

1. Resist being trapped by the niceness, politeness, and attempts at being ideal counselees. It is important to help dependent clients stay in touch with the need for healthy assertion, because they fear anger and confrontation. Watch out for the temptation of feeling flattered when they tell you how wise and wonderful you are. If you get hooked by this unconscious ploy, they will remain as dependent as ever.

 

2. How do you teach dependents about their self-defeating personality pattern without devastating them? You break the news gently by exploring how they first acquired the Dependent trend in childhood and adolescence. You ask them to recall who taught them to care so much about people’s approval. You predict that unless they outgrow the Dependent trend, they will keep feeling guilty about trivial matters, fearful of displeasing others, and depressed when others inevitably take them for granted.

3. Skillfully frustrate their tendency to lean on you. Ask them how they feel about different issues, and wait for them to spell it out. This helps them take responsibility for thoughts and feelings. Ask what they want and how they might accomplish it. This helps them think for themselves. Compliment every movement toward self-direction and emotional self-sufficiency.

4. Become the accepting parent your dependent client never had. Compliment them when they finally admit their anger towards others, disclose secret depression, or show disgust with their overdone niceness. Your acceptance of their negative feelings helps them accept more realistically their Strengths and Weaknesses—without fear. This is how they become more authentic human persons.

Dr. Jim Beck at Denver Seminary says about  

Christian Counseling That Really Works: 

"The 25 techniques alone are worth the price of the book."

 

Philosophical Underpinnings of Compass Therapy

As the founder of Compass Therapy, I'm occasionally asked why I choose a Christian worldview as the philosophical foundation of this approach to counseling. The obvious answer is that I am a Christian by faith and choice, though in coming to this experience I did try out atheistic and agnostic perceptions of reality. 

Beyond my personal faith, I want to take a stand as a professional psychologist who believes that spirituality is essential to human nature and vital to mental health. I agree with many world religions that are rooted in a community of faith, where people find purpose in suffering, hope in times of loss, and meaning in their sacred scriptures and traditions.

So why am I selective about making Christianity the foundation upon which Compass Therapy arises? Because the Trinity, the core teaching of Christian faith and doctrine, reveals a spiritual reality that underlies all human experience: the reality of One God in Three Persons. In other words, human life and history, deriving from being created in the image of God, is fundamentally interpersonal, just like the divine Trinity is fundamentally interpersonal: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

But aren't these religious assertions a far cry from modern psychology and psychotherapy, and shouldn't there be a permanent barrier that separates what happens in a house of worship from what happens in a therapist's office?

I think not.

Whether we like it or not, we are born into a social context of Life Together. Therefore our mental health is linked to the progress we make in getting along with God and other people. No person is an island, and alienation from community (ie. the inability to give and receive love) is a sure mark of psychopathology.

Compass Therapy suggests that developing a healthy personality and fulfilling interpersonal relationships are primary aims of good therapy. Toward that end a therapist uses techniques of psychotherapy to relieve symptoms of anxiety, depression, relationship dysfunction, addiction, or a host of other disorders and psychological disabilities. Yet let's never forget that the primary aim remains the development of personality health and social integration, a pursuit that lasts a lifetime.

For more about this, see

COMPASS PSYCHOTHEOLOGY:
 Where Psychology & Theology Really Meet